The typical Indian Husband is what many westerner's envision when one announces they are married to an Indian. The stereotype being that they are the quintessential mothers boy who expects their wife to wait on them hand and foot whilst raising a family. She should not have a career nor have an opinion. And be sure to never disagree with what her husband demands of her. A stereotype is a widely held and oversimplified idea of a type of person or thing. These ideas may or may not accurately reflect reality. Whilst not everyone will conform to a typical stereotype they do hold some substance whether the stereotype be towards a western or ethnic culture. Albeit my husband is far from the typical Indian Husband stereotype which is what made me fall for him.
When I first met my husband I knew he wasn't the stereotypical Indian Husband. Prior to dating my husband I had met many of the stereotypical Indian Husband who resented the fact that I had an opinion on life. They also would never respect my opinions over their mothers even if they personally agreed with my point of view. I was always laughed at when I had ambition or drive as a woman's place it at home raising a family.
Prior to dating I had never personally believed in the stereotype - I always get to know someone first. However unfortunately there are just some people that do conform to a typical stereotype. There obviously is a reason why they exist. Am I arguing that everyone conforms to this stereotype? No. Am I here to argue the validity of stereotypes and to defend myself as a white woman? No. I simply make point that I have been unfortunate enough to meet a few minority that give this stereotype it's name. And that when some people learn my husband is Punjabi they make an assumption he is of this stereotype.
How My Husband Doesn't Conform to the Typical Indian Husband Stereotype
He Doesn't Expect Me To Do All The Household Chores
When we first moved in together I wasn't working at the time so I offered to do the cooking and household chores whilst he earned us an income. With that said he doesn't expect me to be a full time home keeper and welcomes me to have a career if I choose. Traditionally after meal times dishes are left at the table for the woman of the house to clear. Although my husband doesn't help with the dishes, he will take his into the kitchen and help clear the table. Thankfully my husband doesn't hold any cultural expectations of me and is willing to lend a hand where needed. It's the little things that count. However because I don't work, I don't expect him to do more than what he does.
He Even Helps Out In The Kitchen At Times
I have never been good at making roti so my husband actually taught me how to make roti much to my amazement. Many Indian men have never set foot in the kitchen as it is a woman's duty. However when he was younger he used to help his mother out in the kitchen at times which is how he learnt to make roti. So now he is the one making the roti while I cook.
I Am Encouraged To Have A Career
For once in my lifetime I haven't been working and my husband encourages me all the time to get back into the workforce. Although nowadays I have other priorities such as raising a family therefore don't intend to work until they're older. This is a breath of fresh air as most Indian men despise the woman working, even in modern India.
We Enjoy Having Intelligent Conversations
I couldn't imagine anything worse than being married to someone who wouldn't allow me to have an opinion. Sure at times we don't always agree with one another, actually we rarely agree with one another and this is usually the reason why we argue. Though we still can enjoy having somewhat intelligent conversations where we both have an opinion that counts, which is important.
He Listens To What I Have To Say
We do argue like most couples do, though for the most part he listens to what I have to say. If I ask him to do something he usually does it. If I tell him something offends me he won't do it anymore. The most important thing is I can have a bad day and know that I can talk to him about it without him trying to fix it. Well most of the time anyway.
He Respects His Mother But Is Also Independent
Every Indian man respects his mother however some rely on that relationship too much and it can suffocate a marriage. Why be married to a man who will always side with his mother and treat her as his number one. My husband has a great relationship with his mother and respects her yet he is still his own person. He won't use his relationship with her against me in arguments and doesn't expect me to do everything that she does for him. Most importantly we are treated as individuals although we are both important. Which is how it should be. A mother should be a mother and a wife should be a wife.
We Are A Partnership
Every marriage should be a partnership although for the typical Indian Husband it is usually a dictatorship with the husband in control. We make life decisions together, run plans by one another and respect one another's opinions. Sure this always doesn't go to plan but the important thing is we try to keep a partnership.
Do you know anyone married to the stereotypical Indian Husband? Or like me have you met someone who goes against the stereotype?